


You're Worth It

by BirdyBanter



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:00:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdyBanter/pseuds/BirdyBanter
Summary: Starsky is hurt deeply by having to say no when Hutch is hurting so badly but there is one thing he can say yes to. It's something he wants to share with his friend.
Relationships: Ken Hutchinson/David Starsky
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	You're Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a conversation in BFABL between Marianne and Hutch. I hope you enjoy the read.

‘I need some help.’ Hutch’s voice and sad eyes pleaded for what felt to Starsky like the hundredth time at least.

They’d been stuck in that tiny room for hours and Hutch’s constant pacing was giving him a headache. It hurt to look at him in more ways than one. With every minute that passed Hutch came more and more to resemble a majestic Tiger confined to the smallest most confining of steal cages. He needed out; they both did.

Starsky felt worn out and worn down, the last of his reserves depleting fast. How many times could you say no in the face of so much pain, when someone you loved more than any other begged for you to release them from a prison of suffering. How long before he gave in?

‘Jeanie…where she…I need to find her…not safe, nothin’s safe…no one is from…’ Hutch’s ramblings came to an abrupt halt as he made a break for the door. He started to kick at it, ineffectually but would hurt himself.

Starsky grabbed him and held on pulling him back from the door.

‘Easy, huh it’ll have to wait babe, she’s okay, Jeanie’s okay.’

Hutch stopped moving in his arms and shrugged as a gesture that he could be released.

He calmed for a minute and Starsky stepped away. Hutch still had his back to him and when he turned there was a strange look in the clouded eyes and for the first time in several hours, they locked on Starsky.

‘You…you’re okay, you’re here…w-where have you been?’

‘Of course I am, I’ve been here the whole time babe. I wouldn’t leave you.’

‘Oh baby.’ Hutch said and then launched himself at Starsky clumsily fixing his mouth to his friends. Starsky was stunned. 

‘I…I need you, need something. Oh baby.’ Hutch said in between desperate kisses.

Overwhelmed with his own needs Starsky instinctively responded with his own enthusiasm. 

Hutch had backed them to the bed and as Starsky fell onto the mattress, Hutch followed and then fumbled at Starsky's clothes. 

‘Oh, need you, need to be inside you sweetheart, baby, Jeanie.’

Starsky froze under Hutch. He had wanted this for so long, since the academy. But despite Hutch’s obvious need, did he want it badly enough to have it this way, a substitute at best.

‘Oh Babe, I need you, bad I…I can’t take this…please help me, sweetheart.’ 

It wasn’t so much the words but the tone that hit Starsky in the centre of his chest. He couldn’t give Hutch the drugs he needed to ease his torment but was there something he could give. He needed a moment to think.

‘I just need to fix myself up a bit for you baby, give me a minute, huh?’ He stroked Hutch’s hair in part as an apology and then slid out from under him to the safety and thinking space of the bathroom. 

He needed to keep his hands busy while he thought, so he searched for something in the medicine cabinet. It wasn’t a surprise when he found what he needed. Huggy was after all the most practical and worldly of all the people Starsky knew. He had grown up in the kind of poverty and rough area that was foreign to even Starsky and his experience of his early years in New York.

He wondered whether he would blame Hutch for wanting this but not with him or maybe for not remembering it at all once his head cleared. Or if by some unlikely happenstance Hutch did remember would he blame Starsky for letting it happen and even think perhaps that he had in some way taken advantage. The feelings of guilt and resentment fought a battle inside him. Why couldn’t they have this? Why couldn’t they both want it in the cold light of day? Why did it always have to be so complicated? He did believe it possible that Hutch had those same feelings that he had and like him was just too scared to openly admit it.

He almost bumped into Hutch when he came out of the bathroom.

‘Baby? Please.’ If his mind hadn’t already been made up the hope and need, the clear desperation in Hutch’s voice and written on his face would have decided it for him.

‘Come on Darlin’.’ Starsky said his voice full of tenderness as he took Hutch’s hand and lead him to the bed.

Starsky had managed to get both their clothes off with minimal help from Hutch.

He smiled down at his friend as he gently stroked Hutch’s penis with the gel they needed. He had prepared himself as best he could in the bathroom.

Starsky straddled his friend and lowered himself as slowly as he could onto Hutch’s cock, it was always going to hurt some, but he was giving Hutch what he needed. Saying yes after having to give so many heart-breaking no’s, he could give Hutch this and wanted to. 

At one point he thought he saw a brief look of recognition on Hutch’s face like he knew who he was with. ‘Babe.’ He said on a breath and there was the upturn at one corner of his mouth. Starsky told himself that it wasn’t just wishful thinking. It was real. Hutch wanted him too.

The next day Hutch was more like himself, even offered a lame joke to Huggy and Starsky about having mercy. But it had taken a heavy toll on him, both his steadfast friends could tell that in the weary sound to his voice and lines of strain on his face.

When Huggy had left them Hutch said, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’ Starsky asked fearing Hutch remembered some of what they shared.

‘I can’t remember much, probably for the best huh? And I know it would have been hard on you.’

‘It was hard on us both.’ That was the stark truth.

‘You couldn’t give me what I wanted, and I couldn’t give you what you wanted either, my corporation. I resisted the help pretty forcefully if this place is anything to go by.’

It did look like a bomb hit it.

Starsky couldn’t answer easily, no one had got what they wanted. Hutch was still hung up on Jeanie and he was still hung up on Hutch. Would they one day both want the same thing and get what would be best for both of them.

‘You’re the best friend I ever had, and I can’t thank you enough for getting me this far.’

Hutch said filling the silence at long last. They both knew he still had a long way to go to get through it.

‘You’re worth it, you have to know that. You’re always worth it, Hutch.’

Starsky sat closer to Hutch on the bed then and put his hand on the back of his friend’s neck so he could pull until their foreheads were touching. Starsky felt then that despite everything, that moment was the most intimate moment they’d ever had. It didn’t matter how they shared their love, how they expressed it, the love itself was the important thing. Anything else was just the icing. The cake was what sustained them.

‘I’ve always got your back buddy.’ Starsky reaffirmed 

‘I know you have, pal.’ Hutch said with the barest smile.

Starsky knew that things would be alright between them, they’d always be there to care for each other and that was all that really mattered to him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was partly inspired by a scene in a certain Barbra Streisand film.


End file.
